As I sit here reflecting on my life, many emotions are pushed to the surface. The happiest day of my life was marrying my husband Jimmy. The greatest and most profound day was my son Jimmy’s birthday. I had it all, was on top of the world.

     Then the WORST day of my life, March 24th, 1998. Still in the darkness of early morning, my world came crashing down, my dreams shattered forever, my mind going in so many directions I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t hear, I couldn’t focus. This was the day that changed my life and myself forever. Never to be the same person I was just moments before. My SON, the light of my existence, my world as I had one known, Gone in seconds. He had been KILLED almost in front of my eyes. His body all curled up; like a newborn baby fetus but cold, not moving, not calling for mommy, No longer in existence. Holes ripped through my baby’s body, senselessly, brutally and uncaringly, I would never again get to bring my boy home.

     Lost in a world now with no meaning, no purpose, confused, and moving through life robotically for years. Sometimes I still do, just go through the motions never understanding why. It’s like trying to walk through a thick misty fog, trying to find my way out. Then, just as I start to see light through this fog, I lose again and again. My nephew Michael and now my JW. The fog stays very thick again. But I know I will start to see that gleam of light again. Hopefully, this time it will be clearer and last as long as I do.

Kim - March, 2011

     Postscript: What helped me through the darkness is my husband standing by me, my sister, the counseling and group support I receive and give back to at The LIFE Center and the children who have found their way to me and given me the freedom to share the love in my heart without fear.